By Regina Brett

The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1.       Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2.       When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3.       Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4.       Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5.       Pay off your credit cards every month.

6.       You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7.       Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8.       It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9.       Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10.   When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11.   Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12.   It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13.   Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14.   If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15.   Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16.   Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17.   You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18.   A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19.   It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20.   When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21.   Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22.   Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23.   Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24.   The most important sex organ is the brain.

25.   No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26.   Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27.   Always choose life.

28.   Forgive everyone everything.

29.   What other people think of you is none of your business.

30.   Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31.   However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32.   Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33.   Believe in miracles.

34.   God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35.   Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36.   Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37.   Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38.   Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39.   Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40.   If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41.   Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42.   Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43.   All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44.   Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45.   The best is yet to come.

46.   No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47.   Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48.   If you don't ask, you don't get.

49.   Yield.

50.   Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

From: Aarthi Vijayasarathy

Adapted from What Happy People Know by Dan Baker, Ph.D.

We all want to be happy, but most of us are trapped by ways of thinking and behaving that seem to keep us perpetually dissatisfied.

But there are six simple tools that will help us to be truly, deeply happy. Find out what they are, right here:

1.) Appreciation.

This is the first and most fundamental happiness tool. Appreciation is the purest, strongest form of love. It is the outward-bound kind of love that asks for nothing and gives everything. Research now shows that it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time. Thus, appreciation is the antidote to fear.

2.) Choice.

Choice is the father of freedom and the voice of the heart. Having no choices, or options, feels like being in jail. It leads to depression, anxiety, and the condition called learned helplessness. Choice can even govern perception. Anyone can choose the course of their lives, but only happy people do it.

3.) Personal power.

This is the almost indefinable proactive force, similar to character, that gives you power over your feelings and power over your fate. Personal power has two components: taking responsibility and taking action. It means realizing that your life belongs to you and you alone, and then doing something about it. Personal power keeps you from being a victim.

4.) Leading with your strengths.

When you give in to the automatic fear reaction, it makes you focus on your weaknesses, which only reinforces your fear. But when you take the path of the intellect and spirit, you naturally begin to focus on your strengths-and start to solve your situation. People often think that fixing their weaknesses will save them, but it rarely works. It's just too painful. Leading with your strengths feels good, and that's why it works. Simple but true.

5.) The power of language and stories.

We don't describe the world we see-we see the world we describe. Language, as the single most fundamental force of the human intellect, has the power to alter perception. We think in words, and these words have the power to limit us or to set us free; they can frighten us or evoke our courage. Similarly, the stories we tell ourselves about our own lives eventually become our lives. We can tell healthy stories or horror stories. The choice is ours.

6.) Multidimensional living.

There are three primary components of life: relationships, health, and purpose (which is usually work). Many people, though, put all their energy into just one area. The most common choice is work, because work best assuages our survival fears of not having enough and not being enough. Other people become obsessed with relationships ( because relationship is another word for love ), and some people limit their lives in the name of longevity. None of this works. Happiness comes from a full life.

From: Srinivasa Raghavan

Most people are familiar with the phrase "thoughts become things", and in a manner of speaking that is true. However, the more accurate way to explain that concept would be to say that thoughts become emotions.

Emotions in turn drive the machine of your life that creates the things that you think about. The fact that emotions need to be part of the equation is easily verified by thinking back to any time in your life whenever you thought long and hard about having or doing something, but those thoughts never manifested into whatever it was that you were thinking about. For example:

·         Many people think very often about having enough money to enjoy certain material possessions or experiences.

·         Almost all people give considerable thought to weight loss, physical fitness, or their overall health.

·         The majority of people also spend plenty of time thinking about satisfying romantic or other social relationships.

However, despite the massive amount of thought that is dedicated to some or all of those things, it is often the case that we do not have the level of success in those areas that we desire.

The reason for that is because we do not have the appropriate emotional attachment to the things that we want to bring into our lives. When giving thought to the things that we want, more is not necessarily better, since emotionless thoughts have no real power, no matter how many times we think them.

However, a consistent thought about something that also evokes a positive emotional response from you almost always serves to ultimately bring that thing into your life.

In order to illustrate this concept, simply think back to any job interview, health improvement program, date, or other social situation that you were involved in that you felt very positive and confident about. In most if not all of those situations, one of two things happened:

1) You attained or enjoyed the experience of whatever it was you felt positive about, or

2) You realized after the fact that you didn't really want it after all.

By feeling positive and confident about attaining something, you put yourself in charge of the outcome, as opposed to how a lack of confidence will tend to make you feel powerless to get what you want out of any given situation.

You need to be honest with yourself, however, when considering whether or not you truly feel positive and confident about attaining something. Strongly desiring something does not equate to feeling positive or confident about acquiring it. Everyone wants whatever they consider to be financial, health, or social success, but actually believing that we will attain it is another matter entirely.

It is this difference between giving a high quantity of thought to something vs. giving a high quality of thought to something that is ultimately the deciding factor in whether or not we attain it.

High quality thoughts about something are thoughts that evoke a consistent positive emotional response in relation to that thing. These thoughts fill you with the belief that – sooner or later – you will attain whatever it is that you are thinking about.

Compare that to the thoughts that most people have about attaining their desires. You will see that often people's thoughts about their dreams tend to evoke negative, disempowering emotional responses, such as doubt, fear, uncertainty, concern, lack of confidence, etc.

Rarely in history has anything of note been accomplished by someone thinking of how scared they were about whether or not it was actually going to happen. Disempowering thoughts such as fear do not tend to manifest positive results.

That is not to say that fear or similar feelings are not part of the process, because often they are. However, they are used only as tools to bolster the confidence and belief level of the person involved, as squashing disempowering feelings has the immediate effect of causing us to feel empowered! If you have ever faced down a fear, then you know this to be true.

The bottom line solution to using the power of your emotions as the fuel for self improvement is to make a conscious recognition of how you feel about something that you want to accomplish.

If the thought of improving your finances, your health, your social life, or any other area of your life causes you to feel anything other than positive and confident, you must embrace the fact that you have mental roadblocks that need to be cleared before you will achieve success in that area.

Those roadblocks can then be cleared by engaging in whatever activity will eliminate those negative feelings. That may include getting educated about what it will take to accomplish your goal, it may mean practicing affirmations or visualizations, it might involve doing research on the topic, hiring a professional to help you, or even something as simple as voicing the disempowering belief to yourself.

Once the dark things in our subconscious are brought into the light, they are often seen to have very little actual power over us, if any at all. Ferret out your negative, disempowering beliefs by being 100% truthful with yourself about how you feel about something that you want to attain.

Once you have recognized whatever it is that is causing your negative feelings, drag it kicking and screaming into the light, eliminate it, and you will leave yourself with nothing but positive and confident feelings about your ability to succeed. Then you will do exactly that!

Received from: Aseem Kaistha

The process of human change begins within us. We all have tremendous potential. We all desire good results from our efforts. Most of us are willing to work hard and to pay the price that success and happiness demand.

Each of us has the ability to put our unique human potential into action and to acquire a desired result. But the one thing that determines the level of our potential, that produces the intensity of our activity, and predicts the quality of the result we receive is our attitude.

Attitude determines how much of the future we are allowed to see. It decides the size of our dreams and influences our determination when we are faced with new challenges. No other person on earth has dominion over our attitude. People can affect our attitude by teaching us poor thinking habits or unintentionally misinforming us or providing us with negative sources of influence, but no one can control our attitude unless we voluntarily surrender that control.

No one else "makes us angry." We make ourselves angry when we surrender control of our attitude. What someone else may have done is irrelevant. We choose, not they. They merely put our attitude to a test. If we select a volatile attitude by becoming hostile, angry, jealous or suspicious, then we have failed the test. If we condemn ourselves by believing that we are unworthy, then again, we have failed the test.

If we care at all about ourselves, then we must accept full responsibility for our own feelings. We must learn to guard against those feelings that have the capacity to lead our attitude down the wrong path and to strengthen those feelings that can lead us confidently into a better future.

If we want to receive the rewards the future holds in trust for us, then we must exercise the most important choice given to us as members of the human race by maintaining total dominion over our attitude. Our attitude is an asset, a treasure of great value, which must be protected accordingly. Beware of the vandals and thieves among us who would injure our positive attitude or seek to steal it away.

Having the right attitude is one of the basics that success requires. The combination of a sound personal philosophy and a positive attitude about ourselves and the world around us gives us an inner strength and a firm resolve that influences all the other areas of our existence.

Received from Abdul Kader from the Winwinalways yahoogroups

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed. Yet, all my dad did was reached for his toast, smiled at my mom, and asked me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite. When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said:

"Baby, I love burned toast."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Debbie, your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides, a little burnt toast never hurt anyone."

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner...and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory  from my childhood that I'll never forget. And it's one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late...as usual...and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose.

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven.

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was.

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!" I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day."

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad...how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker f or them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't a deal-breaker either.

You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn't the perfect husband. He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching " Golf Academy " is not my idea of a great night at home.

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make  each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we've learned to love each other for

who we really are.

For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer's dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less. Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We've traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountain tops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called "marriage" work.

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choo sing to celebrate each other's differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker.

Have a great day! May God bless your marriage.

Now, The greats....you tell us, How for Marriage life could mould the human being ? . Most of the cases,misunderstand ing causes major pitfalls and the same time, communication between each other should be always open !!! Do await your valuable thoughts to share  With that thought in the back of your mind, its TIME TO GET THAT BUTT MOVIN' Time to "seize the day......"

CARPE DIEM

Until next time, make it a blessed day, Make this day good

By Alexander Kjerulf

What do You Do For a Living?

Whenever you meet new people, some variant of this question is bound to come up, and probably pretty early on in the conversation too.

And here is something I have noticed: When you ask people what they do, most people will give you their job title. As in I am an engineer or I am a project manager or I am a writer. Or consultant, speaker, software developer, manager, contractor, freelancer, secretary.

But that is not what you do. That is just your title. It really says nothing about you or your job, so I always find myself asking follow-up questions. So what kind of projects do you manage?

Some titles DO say what you do. If you are a pilot you fly planes. Teachers teach. Builders build. Coaches coach. But most titles are more ambiguous.

So think about it for a moment. How much does your job title really say about what you do? And what would be a better way of telling people what it is you do in just a few words.

Whenever people ask me, I always tell them that I make people happy at work. That is what I do.

This may look like just semantics, but it matters. See, your job title is never going to make you happy at work, but knowing what you do, may. Knowing your contribution, how you add value, how you make a difference - THAT can make you happy at work.

So now it is your turn. Think of what it is you do in your job and put it a comment here.

From: Vinay Spandey

In an office, you encounter a lot of different people. You become friends with some of them, admire some and regard some as nice colleagues. However, there is another section of people, those you find difficult to tolerate and being civilized with whom demands much of your patience. In an office, you have to cooperate with everyone, even those whom you do not like at all, in order to be productive. So, it is better to lean a few tricks that will help you in dealing with difficult people. It will not only make your work more enjoyable, but also calm down your blood pressure. Read on to know how to deal with difficult people at work!

Chatterer

Let us start the conversation by talking about the most sociable person in the office - the chatterbox. That person is quite friendly and was probably the first person that made you feel at ease in the office. The only problem is that his/her chatter sometimes interferes with your work too much. Since such a colleague is usually harmless, it is best to be polite. Just tell him/her that you love to hear her talk, but the problem is that you have poor concentration and the engaging conversation seems to take you completely off your work.

Big Mouth

The big mouth of the office is often disliked, yet courted, by people. This is because almost everyone wants to listen to others gossip, but do not want themselves to be talked about. Talking to such a colleague is not bad, since he/she will tell you about all the recent happenings in office. The problem is that the gossip is never fully true. So, it is advisable to listen to the big mouth, but not be affected by the gossip and never ever offer your own views. At the same time, if the gossip is about someones personal problems, it is better to ignore.

Whiner

So you have come across the whiner, who feels that things never go right in his/her life. If it is not his/her personal life, it is the office environment, the boss, or the colleagues, and so on. Though the problems might be genuine also, the too much complaining puts you off. Most of the time, such a person never looks for advice. All he/she wants is an outlet to let off the steam. It is better to change the subject subtly, whenever the whiner starts the long list of complaints. Make sure that this does not sound too obvious.

Shirker

In every office, you will definitely find people who try to give as much of their work to their colleagues, as possible. In a team, sharing work is a very common phenomenon and you should be willing participate in it. But, if you already have your hands full, it will be almost impossible to do other peoples work. Especially if your colleague is one of those who do not want to do work, even if they can do it, it is better to politely turn down the request. Tell them that the boss has already given you much work to do.

Credit Grabber

Credit Grabber is a person who takes helps from others, but never acknowledges their contribution. Such a person always tries to take the sole credit for a work that involves a group. If by any chance, you happen to work with such a person, politely mention that he/she forgot to tell about your contribution, especially if it has happened for the first time. In case it happens, again, take it upon yourself to make others aware of your part in the project. In the end, try to avoid working with such a person as much as you can.

Aggressive People

You will find many aggressive people in your office and it is better if you know how to handle them. Whenever they explode, they expect people to either retreat or get angry. The best option will be do none of these things. Just let such a person say whatever he wants to say and to let off his steam. After he/she has cooled down a bit and has become normal, give your own views, politely but firmly.

Mocker

A mocker is an individual who loves taking potshots at others. Funny put-downs, sarcastic comments, critical looks and cynical undertones are some of the usual tricks used by such people to make others feel insulted. The problem with such people is that the moment you accuse them of laughing at you, they will reply back something like I was just joking. The best way to deal with such people is to say something like, I did not think that was funny or Do I look amused? while smiling all the while.

General Guidelines

1.       Never be rude or aggressive with troublesome people, it will only make matters worse.

2.       Never ever try to change such people. You will only tire yourself, since trying will lead to no result.

3.       Try to ignore difficult people as much as you can. It is one of the best ways to deal with them.

4.       If things get out of hand, it is better to approach your senior and let him know all about the problem. However, keep this as the last resort.

From: Arief Wahyu Adi

1. Menyalahkan Orang Lain

Itu penyakit P dan K, yaitu Primitif dan Kekanak-kanakan. Menyalahkan orang lain adalah pola pikir orang primitif. Di pedalaman Afrika, kalau ada orang yang sakit, yang Dipikirkan adalah : Siapa nih yang nyantet ? Selalu "siapa" Bukan "apa" penyebabnya. Bidang kedokteran modern selalu mencari tahu "apa" sebabnya, bukan "siapa". Jadi kalau kita berpikir menyalahkan orang lain, itu sama dengan sikap primitif. Pakai koteka aja deh, nggak usah pakai dasi dan jas.

Kekanak-kanakan. Kenapa ? Anak-anak selalu nggak pernah mau disalahkan. Kalau ada piring yang jatuh," Adik tuh yang salah", atau " mbak tuh yang salah". Anda pakai celana monyet aja kalau bersikap begitu. Kalau kita manusia yang berakal dan dewasa selalu akan mencari sebab terjadinya sesuatu.

2. Menyalahkan Diri Sendiri

Menyalahkan diri sendiri bahwa dirinya merasa tidak mampu. Ini berbeda dengan MENGAKUI KESALAHAN. Anda pernah mengalaminya ? Kalau anda bilang tidak pernah, berarti anda bohong. "Ah, dia sih bisa, dia ahli, dia punya jabatan, dia berbakat dsb, Lha saya ini apa ?, wah saya nggak bisa deh. Dia S3, lha saya SMP, wah nggak bisa deh. Dia punya waktu banyak, saya sibuk, pasti nggak bisa deh". Penyakit ini seperti kanker, tambah besar, besar di dalam mental diri sehingga bisa mencapai "improper guilty feeling".

Jadi walau yang salah partner, anak buah, atau bahkan atasan, berani bilang "Saya kok yang memang salah, tidak mampu dsb". Penyakit ini pelan-pelan bisa membunuh kita. Merasa inferior, kita tidak punya kemampuan. Kita sering membandingkan keberhasilan orang lain dengan kekurangan kita, sehingga keberhasilan orang lain dianggap Wajar karena mereka punya sesuatu lebih yang kita tidak punya.

3. Tidak Punya Goal / Cita-Cita

Kita sering terpaku dengan kesibukan kerja, tetapi arahnya tidak jelas. Sebaiknya kita selalu mempunyai target kerja dengan milestone. Buat target jangka panjang dan jangka pendek secara tertulis. Ilustrasinya kayak gini : Ada anjing jago lari yang sombong. Apa sih yang nggak bisa saya kejar, kuda aja kalah sama saya. Kemudian ada kelinci lompat-lompat, kiclik, kiclik, kiclik. Temannya bilang: “Nah tuh ada kelinci, kejar aja". Dia kejar itu kelinci, wesss...., kelinci lari lebih kencang, anjingnya ngotot ngejar dan kelinci lari sipat-kuping (sampai nggak dengar / peduli apa-apa), dan akhirnya nggak terkejar, kelinci masuk pagar. Anjing kembali lagi ke temannya dan diketawain. "Ah lu, katanya jago lari, sama kelinci aja nggak bisa kejar. Katanya lu paling kencang". "Lha dia goalnya untuk tetap hidup sih, survive, lha gua goalnya untuk fun aja sih". Kalau "GOAL" kita hanya untuk "FUN", isi waktu aja, ya hasilnya cuma terengah-engah saja.

4. Mempunyai "Goal", Tapi Ngawur Mencapainya

Biasanya dialami oleh orang yang tidak "teachable". Goalnya salah, focus kita juga salah, jalannya juga salah, arahnya juga salah. Ilustrasinya kayak gini : ada pemuda yang terobsesi dengan emas, karena pengaruh tradisi yang mendewakan emas. Pemuda ini pergi ke pertokoan dan mengisi karungnya dengan emas dan seenaknya ngeloyor pergi. Tentu saja ditangkap polisi dan ditanya. Jawabnya : Pokoknya saya mau emas, saya nggak mau lihat kiri-kanan.

5. Mengambil Jalan Pintas, Short Cut

Keberhasilan tidak pernah dilalui dengan jalan pintas. Jalan pintas tidak membawa orang ke kesuksesan yang sebenarnya, real success, karena tidak mengikuti proses. Kalau kita menghindari proses, ya nggak matang, kalaupun matang ya dikarbit. Jadi, tidak ada tuh jalan pintas. Pemain bulutangkis Indonesia bangun jam 5 pagi, lari keliling Senayan, melakukan smesh 1000 kali. Itu bukan jalan pintas. Nggak ada orang yang leha-leha tiap hari pakai sarung, terus tiba-tiba jadi juara bulu tangkis. Nggak ada ! Kalau anda disuruh taruh uang 1 juta, dalam 3 minggu jadi 3 juta, masuk akal nggak tuh? Nggak mungkin !. Karena hal itu melawan kodrat.

6. Mengambil Jalan Terlalu Panjang, Terlalu Santai

Analoginya begini : Pesawat terbang untuk bisa take-off, harus mempunyai kecepatan minimum. Pesawat Boeing 737, untuk dapat take- off, memerlukan kecepatan minimum 300 km/jam. Kalau kecepatan dia Cuma 50 km/jam, ya Cuma ngabis-ngabisin avtur aja, muter-muter aja. Lha kalau jalannya, runwaynya lurus anda cuma pakai kecepatan 50 km/jam, ya nggak bisa take-off, malah nyungsep iya. Iya kan ?

7. Mengabaikan Hal-Hal Yang Kecil

Dia maunya yang besar-besar, yang heboh, tapi yang kecil-kecil nggak dikerjain. Dia lupa bahwa struktur bangunan yang besar, pasti ada komponen yang kecilnya. Maunya yang hebat aja. Mengabaikan hal kecil aja nggak boleh, apalagi mengabaikan orang kecil.

8. Terlalu Cepat Menyerah

Jangan berhenti kerja pada masa percobaan 3 bulan. Bukan mengawali dengan yang salah yang bikin orang gagal, tetapi berhenti pada tempat yang salah. Mengawali dengan salah bisa diperbaiki, tetapi berhenti di tempat yang salah repot sekali.

9. Bayang Bayang Masa Lalu

Wah puitis sekali, saya suka sekali dengan yang ini. Karena apa ? Kita selalu penuh memori kan ? Apa yang kita lakukan, masuk memori kita, minimal sebagai pertimbangan kita untuk langkah kita berikutnya. Apalagi kalau kita pernah gagal, nggak berani untuk mencoba lagi. Ini bisa balik lagi ke penyakit nomer-3. Kegagalan sebagai akibat bayang-bayang masa lalu yang tidak terselesaikan dengan semestinya. Itu bayang-bayang negatif. Memori kita kadang- kadang sangat membatasi kita untuk maju ke depan. Kita kadang-kadang lupa bahwa hidup itu maju terus. "Waktu" itu maju kan ?. Ada nggak yang punya jam yang jalannya terbalik ?? Nggak ada kan ?

Semuanya maju, hidup itu maju. Lari aja ke depan, kalaupun harus jatuh, pasti ke depan kok. Orang yang berhasil, pasti pernah gagal. Itu memori negatif yang menghalangi kesuksesan.

10. Menghipnotis Diri Dengan Kesuksesan Semu

Biasa disebut Pseudo Success Syndrome. Kita dihipnotis dengan itu. Kita kalau pernah berhasil dengan sukses kecil, terus berhenti, nggak kemana-mana lagi.Sudah puas dengan sukses kecil tersebut. Napoleon pernah menyatakan: "Saat yang paling berbahaya datang bersama dengan kemenangan yang besar". Itu saat yang paling berbahaya, karena orang lengah, mabuk kemenangan. Jangan terjebak dengan goal-goal hasil yang kecil, karena kita akan menembak sasaran yang besar, goal yang jauh. Jangan berpuas diri, ntar jadi sombong, terus takabur.

Sudah saatnya kita memperbaiki kehidupan kita. Kesempatan terbuka lebar untuk siapa saja yang ingin maju.

Action may not always bring success, but there is no success without action.

"Usaha dan tindakan tidak selalu menghasilkan keberhasilan/sukses, tetapi...

Tidak ada keberhasilan dan sukses TANPA usaha dan tindakan."

(Greg Phillips- Benjamin Disraeli)

Sumber : Anonymous

From: Aarthi Vijayasarathy

As much as most of us wish we could exist in harmony with the people we encounter throughout our lives, there will always be individuals we dislike. Some simply rub us the wrong way while others strike us as deliberately unaware. We may judge others as too mean or abrasive for us to interact with them comfortably. Yet no person should be deemed a villain because their beliefs, opinions, mannerisms, and mode of being are not compatible with your own. You need not embrace the rough traits they have chosen to embody. There may be times in which the best course of action involves distancing yourself from someone you dislike. But circumstances may require that you spend time in the company of individuals who awaken your aversion. In such cases, you can ease your discomfort by showing your foe loving compassion while examining your feelings carefully.

The reasons we dislike some individuals are often complex and, at first, indecipherable. Often, we are automatically averse to people who are different because they compel us to question our values, spirituality, culture, and ideologies, threatening to undermine our self-assurance. Realistically, however, those you dislike have no power to weaken your life's foundations. In fact, your aversion to specific individuals may actually be your response to your fear that specific qualities you see in them also exist within you. Their presence may force you to face internal issues you would rather not confront. If you meet someone who inspired an intense, largely negative response in you, ask yourself why your reaction is so laden with powerful emotions. Remember that you control your feelings and, if necessary, you can minimize this individual's impact on your well-being by choosing how you will respond to them.

Though you may not have an immediate breakthrough, your willingness to consider your dislike rationally can help you better understand the root of your feelings. Your aversion to certain individuals may not wane over time, yet the comprehension you gain through reflection can help you interact with them sympathetically, benevolently, and with a greater degree of kindness. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that you are incompatible with some people. You may never achieve a shared harmony with those you dislike, but you can nonetheless learn to modulate your reactions to these individuals and, ultimately, to coexist peacefully with them.

From: Prasana Raja

Listening to someone is a great act of kindness. It is an act of respect. It might appear to be passive, but being a good listener is a skill that takes effort. Being a great listener is an art, an art that you can learn for the betterment of all those who will appreciate your listening to them with your entire being.

When we listen to someone, it is common for us to interrupt before that person is finished. We are often busy, or distracted, or bored. The skill of listening consists of focusing your total attention on the person you are listening to.

Think of a specific time when you were totally fascinated by what someone was telling you. Remember how you leaned forward, how your total attention was on the speaker. You probably had eye contact or focused on the person's mouth as the words flowed forth.

Observe people who are great listeners. Look at their face. Pay attention to their posture. Listen to the comments they make. Model them and you will upgrade the quality of your own listening.

Remember a time someone was interested in listening to what you had to say. Remember how good it felt. Remember the specific details that indicated to you that you were being listened to.

The people who will gain the most from your listening are those who are rarely listened to. These are people who suffer and have a strong need to share their feelings with others. They might have a tendency to repeat themselves. Since their talking helps lighten their burden, you are doing an act of kindness by listening. When you are doing someone an important service, your time is being well-spent.

By: Azhar Abbas

You've no doubt heard about the bricklayer who applied for time off work for the following reason:

"When I got to the building, I found that the hurricane had knocked off some bricks around the top so I climbed onto the roof and rigged up a beam with a pulley and hoisted a couple of barrels full of bricks to the top of the building….

"Then I went to the bottom, and holding onto the line, I began releasing it. Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was much heavier than I was and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started coming down, jerking me up. I decided to hang on since I was too far off the ground by then to jump. About halfway up I met the barrel of bricks coming down fast. I received a hard blow on my shoulder.

I then continued to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my fingers pinched and jammed in the pulley.

"When the barrel hit the ground hard, it burst its bottom allowing the bricks to spill out.

I was now heavier than the barrel, so I started down again at high speed. Halfway down I met the barrel coming up–fast–and received severe injuries to my chin.

When I hit the ground, I landed on the pile of spilled bricks, getting several painful cuts and bruises.

"At this point I must have lost my presence of mind because I let go of my grip on the line. The barrel came down fast, giving me another blow on my head, putting me in the hospital. I respectfully request sick leave."

Everybody has times when things go wrong.

But when troubles come, it's not so much what happens to us, but how we react to it that counts the most.

Troubles destroy some people. Others become stronger.

The difference lies in our attitude, being realistic about and accepting what has happened, and what we do about resolving our situation.

It is true that everybody has times when things go wrong. These times can either make us or break us. The following steps will help us to benefit and grow through these times.

First, Attitude

If we respond to our difficulties positively, determined with God's help to overcome them, we will. If we react negatively with a defeated attitude, we will be defeated.

As Zig Ziglar says in his book, See You at the Top, "Attitude is much more important than aptitude.

Despite the overwhelming evidence which supports the importance of the right mental attitude, our entire educational system from kindergarten through graduate school virtually ignores this vital factor in our life. Ninety percent of our education is directed at acquiring facts with only 10 percent of our education aimed at our feelings—or attitudes.

"These figures are truly incredible when we realize that our thinking brain is only 10 percent as large as our feeling brain. A study by Harvard University revealed that 85 percent of the reasons for success, accomplishments, promotions, etc. were because of our attitudes and only 15 percent because of our technical expertise."

Ziglar also pointed out that William James, the father of American psychology, stated that the most important discovery of our time is that we can alter our lives by altering our attitudes.

Second, Being Realistic

To grow through our problems it is also critical that we face them realistically.

A doctor friend of mine tells about a family where the mother broke her arm. The husband and son had to force her to the doctor and hold her while the doctor put her badly broken arm in plaster.

"There's nothing wrong with my arm, Doctor. It's perfectly all right," she insisted.

"I see," said the doctor setting the badly broken arm. Several weeks later the woman returned to have the cast removed and the arm was healed.

"There," said the woman, "look at that. I told you there was nothing wrong with my arm!"

This woman was of a certain religious conviction which led her to believe that there was never anything wrong with her.

Fortunately, her family was a little more realistic. We also need to be realistic about our problems if we are going to resolve them.